Something I left back
by CagedHeart7
Summary: Tobias transfers to Dauntless to seek help against his father. What happens when he realizes he can't do that? What will he do now? Has mystery, action and all. Not mere fluff. Try it out.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1 : What have I done!**

**Tobias POV **

'WHAT HAVE I DONE!' The life changing sizzling, hissing of burning coals, the disappointed gasps of the Abnegations and feet thumps and fist pumps of the Dauntless all music to my ears a moment ago, a mere moment ago have all vanished and a deafening silence now screams" What have I done indeed".

All this just on seeing the face of a man I call father but never will deserve the title

_Dad. _With every crimson drop dripping on the burning coals his face contorts into a different expression. _Drip. _Confusion. _Drip_. Anger. _Drip_. Shame. _Drip_. A smug grin .And the fourth drop was enough to make me realise the mistake I made choosing black over grey. That whatever I do I can't outsmart this grey clothed wolf who is leading all these sheep. A mistake I will repent every day of my life. My mind is numb. My heart is clenched. With heavy steps I walk to keep the knife on the table not once lifting my eyes for I will not show the world the tears brimming in them for they are the proof of how bad I want to go back. Go back to grey robes that hide my scarlet back.

My excuse of a father drops a note in the pocket of my robe under the pretence of patting my shoulder. Everything happens in a blur as I reach the dauntless. They holler, pat my back, give me a place to sit still I am numb. The same deafness screaming at me .The ceremony continues. I take the note out and break into a cold sweat. Seriously, what have I done! I should never have even thought about this. Never have chosen this. I should go back. I _want_ to go back. But, I can't go back. The rest of ceremony passes in a blur.

After what seems like hours, I stand with the rest of dauntless and start running to the tracks. Had I been any other abnegation transfer I would have enjoyed the freedom, the exercise, the sense of belongingness that comes with this sensation of hundreds of feet pounding together and the merry, carefree shouting. But I am not. All I can still hear is my conscience yelling at me " What have I done"

I run fast and am among one of the first dauntless to climb onto the train. The others in this compartment stare at me in awe. But my thoughts are reeling. I sit in a nook and start thinking. The light piece of paper now heavy in my pocket. I take it out and read it again _'Tell someone and you know what happens.' _I crumble it and through it out of the window with all my might. I am not afraid to be dauntless. I am not afraid he can hurt me anymore. I am not afraid of him anymore for myself. I am shaking like a leaf inside. What's the point of changing faction if I can't tell. I know I don't want pity or justice or something like that. I just needed help. And I screwed up by leaving because I didn't just leave my faction, I left _her_.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 **

_Guilt _is what is coursing through my veins right now. I know I have to get hold of myself soon and fast otherwise neither dauntless nor abnegation I will be left to rot in factionless forever. Will that be better? Will it be the just punishment for me? For what I just did to Both of our lives just a couple of hours ago? _Come on! Gather your wits Tobias._

NO. No, I tell myself. What if I have felt nothing but tears in my eyes the past 16 years of my life, I will not be a weakling. I will not let Marcus Eaton in any way think that he succeeded in what he has been doing _for my own good. _Crushing my morale, my confidence, conquering me. No. I know things have not worked out as I had planned. But I am not among the ones to give up.

I repeat this to myself time after time till my skull feels like it is going to rip open into two pieces. I am saying it, hearing it, thinking it but why can't I believe it? Why is my mind sending me into flashbacks? Why is the feeling of helplessness soaring? Why is it that a moment I think 'I can't' and the next I think I just can't say 'I can't'. This hot mess of thoughts!

I am broken from my reverie by someone yelling to jump. To my horror people are actually jumping onto a roof about seven stories above the ground! Images, can't say memories or nightmares as my living itself had become a nightmare, come flooding to my mind. Hanging from the second floor window...…, NO! STOP!

In that moment I make a decision, a vow. Yes, I made a mistake. No, things didn't work out as I had hoped they would. But now no turning back. This is my new life. This is the new me. This is the brave me. Though my initial plan has been reduced to dust now, from those ashes shall I rise. I _will_ become Dauntless. And I haven't forgotten, I will find a way to bring her tome, safely_. I will get that something which I left back. _

With this mind-set, I jump and thankfully land on my knees. I see I have scraped them but what is it in comparison to welts of belts? Nothing new to me. I also notice some Dauntless borns on the roof peering at me strangely. But none comes to my aid. Not that I hope they will but the age old propaganda of ignoring _stiffs. _Again nothing new to me.

A few moments later all the initiates have landed on the roof. A man literally wrapped in black with piercings and tattoos and whatnot stands in front of us on the ledge "Hello. I am Max, your leader. This is the way to enter Dauntless. Come on now, jump in." he says casually. Like its nothing to jump off, not even knowing what is down there. Initiates stare pale facedly at their shoes or at each other. Me doing the former. Was jumping off a train not enough? Again my train of thoughts is broken by a low, deep voice of a girl. Not loud, but not timid either. Determination coating the nervousness hidden beneath "I'll do it".

To my utter surprise a short, skinny _Abnegation _girl steps onto the ledge, takes of her grey overcoat, chucking it at a candor transfer graciously jumps off the ledge. Was I _that_ engrossed in my thoughts that I hadn't noticed another Abnegation transfer to dauntless? For a moment we all stare wide-eyed open-mouthed at her. Not just cause someone jumped but also because an _abnegation girl_ did. See, how ingrained these stereotypes are that I find myself belittling her. But I can say in that moment she earned my respect.

As I am still wrapping my head around the fact that I actually have to jump down a roof, another initiate, this time a dauntless born, takes the leap. But he is bellowing like a child. Snickers are heard through the group. Even I find my lips quirking up. But again I remind myself, I am here with an aim. No time for lollygagging. With a new found fire I hop onto the ledge, bend my knees and jump off.

The wind howls in my ears. I feel weightless. If it hadn't been for the pain constricting my chest I would definitely have had great fun. But damn the acrophobia. The air is sucked out of my lungs as I hit something like a net, _hard. _ As my senses return to me I grab one of the outstretched hands and climb out. A man with an encouraging, easy smile asks me my name. Just when 'Tobias' is about to roll off my tongue, I frown. He asks again, this time with questioning eyes. No chance on earth am I going to go by that tainted name again. I emotionlessly ask him to call me 'stiff'. As I descend the platform I earn curious glances and confused gazes. The abnegation girl, however, offers me an encouraging smile. I guess she understands my need to have a new identity in a new life. Just as I am about to reciprocate I notice that she is Beatrice Prior, daughter of Councilman Andrew Prior. Due to our fathers' close acquaintance it was highly likely that she would recognise me. I don't know why that thought dreads me like it does, but instead I frown at her.

I go and stand as far from her as I can, trying to take in all that is in eyeshot. But find my thoughts and eyes, both drifting to the skinny first jumper from abnegation who was now animatedly talking to a candor girl. I tell myself that it is because it was unusual, _she _was unusual, nothing less nothing more. And for the time being, I believe it. And I hope it stays that way…


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 **

At this instant I find myself standing in a large room with my fellow initiates. Though I don't know what we are here for, I get a feeling that this room has heard and seen heart-wrenching things happen to people. The single metal chair placed in the centre surrounded by numerous screens doesn't oppose the idea either.

Our initiation instructor is Amar, the one who pulled me out of the net and then gave us a trip of the pit and chasm and with that a glance as to how our future will be _if _and _not when _we become dauntless members. That came out to be a dangerous surprise.

Twenty four initiates. Fourteen Dauntless born. Ten transfers. Ten positions. Two weeks. It's a do or die situation. The only difference is that while others are fighting for one life, theirs, I am fighting for two, mine and _hers._ And come what may, _I am going to make it._ Don't care if I am a stiff or have no training what so ever, I am going to make it because I need to. Because _she _needsme to. If anything, this new challenge has fanned the flames in me and I swear I won't allow anything, _or anyone,_ to extinguish them.

"Attention initiates!" Amar thunders, immediately silencing the conversations of others and cutting off my chain of thoughts. "We have decided to change the initiation pattern a bit. All of you will be going through your fear landscapes today so that you can realise what your true fears are and hence work on eradicating or controlling them. Am I understood?" With mumbles of affirmations through everyone's dry throats, the nightmare begins.

I stand helplessly picking my knuckles, shifting my weight from one foot to other, albeit aloof from the rest of the group watching as initiate after initiate punches, kicks and screams into thin air. Their blood curling pleas for help make me shiver. They, though, are nothing new to me. My ears are accustomed to hear similar ones almost daily, mine and hers. _Hers._ That thought makes the pit in my stomach grow wider. A wave of anger and helplessness surges through me. Her screams. She could be screaming, calling for help right now, calling for _me._ Met by his malicious laughter instead of my helping hand. No. Please God.

My breaths are coming quicker and shallower. And I swear I would have gone mad with fury if it had not been the ear piercing shriek of the Candor girl in her landscape, Christina I guess her name was, flapping her arms in front of her face as if to drive away moths.

I decide to pay more attention to what is going on in front of me before I go completely insane and lost in the darkness of the pit I call my mind. I watch as an Erudite transfer with savagery swimming in his cold grey eyes, Eric, thoughtfully calms his heart rate down and moves on to his next fear without even head on facing the previous one. It is smart enough to seem scary. Another dauntless born, Zeke I think, starts yelling at the top of his voice, begging his brother to save him some cake. At this the whole room erupts in fits of laughter and I really can't help the amused smile on my face.

Suddenly I hear a soft voice near me "You should smile more often you know."

I look down to see Beatrice, or should I say Tris now, softly smiling at me. I am intrigued by her pale blue eyes. I swear they were stormy grey when I saw her some time ago. Never the less, they are alive, powerful. I genuinely don't know what to say. Neither do I know how to respond. I don't understand why she has taken out time to talk to a closed off person like me, or is smiling at me. Honestly no one has ever smiled at me like that. All I ever experienced was wicked laughter of Marcus or forced, fake smiles of the abnegation. So me being me, I simply stare at her, her eyes never leaving mine, her smile never fading.

Suddenly I feel bad for frowning at her by the net. I am about to apologise but she is called by Amar. She confidently and gracefully carries her small frame to the chair. Her simulation starts. Even with eyes closed one can see the determined look on her face. At times she screams but never calls for help. I don't know the weird feeling I get when I hear her frantic scream. It is almost like how I feel when I hear _her_ screaming. Before my thoughts go down in a spiral again about her plight and my bound hands, Tris is sitting awake on the chair. A little shaken but composed. Amar watches her with disbelief and…pride. He informs us that the average number of fears of an individual are 12-14 but Tris has only 6 fears! Some of us are shocked, she herself looks more shocked while others holler and applaud. And me? I am asking myself what is the warm feeling in my chest right now?

My turn is the last. By the time Amar calls me, everyone else has left for the cafeteria. "Let's get over with this shall we stiff?" he asks. I really don't like the nickname. After all it is an insult to my former faction. Nevertheless I simply nod and sit on the cold, hard metal chair waiting for him to inject me. "Be brave" he whispers and the simulation begins.

After what seems like ages I jerk awake. Sweat is dripping from my damp hair. My heart is racing. My eyes are red with tears and fury. My hands are curled into tight fists, so much that I can feel the blood my nails are drawing from my palms. My breaths are coming out in short, heavy huffs and I can say I must look like a complete mess. But right now, I can't seem to form any coherent thought. All I can feel is the whacks of his belt against my bare back, all I can hear are _her _screams of agony, all I can see is Marcus killing her in front of me, right in front of me, and I could do nothing, NOTHING!

White fury runs through me. I close my eyes and shake my head, like I do so often to escape from the harsh reality that my life is. But when the images still don't disappear I realise that this time it was inside my head not in front of me.

I repeat this over and over to myself, take long deep breath and open my eyes. It is when I become accustomed to the bright light in the room that I see Amar's face. And I know my secret is out. Silently I sit there till my legs can muster the strength to walk and ready myself for the onslaught of questions.

I don't look at his face because I don't want pity. I wanted help. That was the reason I had come here. For that I knew I would have had to reveal my secrets but Marcus' note and look had made it clear had I must _not_ reveal anything. And if I am to deal with it by myself I really don't want anyone to know how broken, how marred I am beneath my indifferent facade.

There is a loud silence. And then they come. I expect him to ask 'was it real?' or 'Are you Marcus Eaton's son?' or 'I don't believe the _Abnegation leader_ would be like _that_.' But all he asks is one question. One single question that lefts my stomach churning. I look up to see his face. I expected pity or disbelief or something like that but all I can see is rage, vengeance and … curiosity. Who is she indeed.

Of course he would ask that. Not many, in fact nobody knows about the _younger daughter of Marcus Eaton._ "She" I say "is my younger sister."


	4. request

**Hello everyone. This is my first fan fiction and I would really appreciate your reviews. Feel free to send suggestion or point out flaws. I really am nervous so please review. **

**Thanks.**


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